Speaking with enthusiasm
Joining in, taking part
Really NOT a part
A man's world
Speaking with enthusiasm, interrupted
Spoken over as if not there; NOT HERE
No questioning what was spoken
No apology needed
A man's world
Clam up, shut up; retreat
Things to say, things to contribute
Talk to yourself, good company
INTERRUPTED
This woman in a man's world
Lu'
04/30/13
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Thursday, April 18, 2013
April 2013 began thusly
Bad things happened; fuckers!
Not as far away as Boston nor as bad, yet farther still; momentous.
Shattering contentment, rocking stability; fuckers!
Pooled blood to cheeks, distress distress; longing.
Dark, clothed, uncertain, nary slept; fuckers!
Bump in the night bump bump yet daylight intrude
Guard against the possible, guard against, guard.
Fear the possible, the ever present possibility.
Look at the faces, who's face; who!
Time marches on.
Time does heal.
Reel back, recollect, move on; fuckers!
Lu'
04/18/13
Not as far away as Boston nor as bad, yet farther still; momentous.
Shattering contentment, rocking stability; fuckers!
Pooled blood to cheeks, distress distress; longing.
Dark, clothed, uncertain, nary slept; fuckers!
Bump in the night bump bump yet daylight intrude
Guard against the possible, guard against, guard.
Fear the possible, the ever present possibility.
Look at the faces, who's face; who!
Time marches on.
Time does heal.
Reel back, recollect, move on; fuckers!
Lu'
04/18/13
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Night walker part 8
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Night Walker part 8
Detective Toucahn looked one last time at his desk to see if all was in order before taking to the streets in search of a witness. As he slid his chair away from his desk, grabbed his coat and headed for the door, he heard a fellow detective ask where he was going, hey Earnie where're you headed. Detective Earnie Toucahn replied I'm going back to Front Street to see if that no show hooker is out walking tonight; he then proceeded out of the squad room not waiting for a reply. The day of her reported disappearance, Detective Toucahn had canvassed the area near Miss. Ballentine's apartment on Second Street garnering very little helpful information. He would wait until nightfall and canvass one block over, toward the river, to Front Street. Sunday evening he set out once more, after speaking to some of the "ladies" frequenting Front Street, he was informed by them that one of the new "girls" had not been around for a couple days. Her name was Shaniqua. She was new on the block, a little over a month they said. She kept to herself. She was an independent, meaning she had no pimp. Once she was done working for the night she seemed to just disappear; according to his notes from the conversation with the women. Detective Toucahn had gotten no useful information from the hookers except that he had not spoken to all of them. Hoping to speak to Shaniqua, Detective Touchan had gone back out to Front Street on Monday night. When he parked his car he noticed a woman standing by a light pole looking at one of the MISSING PERSON fliers that in a very short time seemed to be on every pole for blocks. He did not recognize the woman but her profession was obvious, very obvious he thought; hooker. Stepping out of his car he began to walk toward her. At the same time Shaniqua looked from the pole and spotted a cop! She was new to hooking but knew how to spot a cop in plain clothes; learned from other assignments Bertie had been on. She thinks, damn a cop! How's I gonna pull this off. I's good but is I this good? Deciding it was better not to engage the detective; Shaniqua slowly dropped her eyes down and began to turn away from his direction. She no sooner had begun to turn when she heard, you there, Miss Shaniqua is it? Stop. Police business. It was not his request to stop that succeeded in stopping Shaniqua but it was the sound of him speaking her name.
Stepping backward as Detective Toucahn approached her, Shaniqua was trying to get to an area with a little less light before their inevitable meeting; face to face. It wasn't difficult to get out of the light at night, with all the alley ways and set in doorways on Front Street. As Shaniqua's back touched the corner on the building behind her she made a slight turn to the right and entered the alley; there she stopped. Detective Touchan approached her, stopping at a distance of two feet. He found this to be close enough to start with and not too close as to have his interviewee retreat within themselves. Hello. I am Detective Earnest Toucahn. I'm out tonight speaking with anyone in the area who may have seen Miss Ballentine. When I parked my car I noticed you looking at her MISSING PERSON flier on the light pole over there. I spoke with the other "ladies" here abouts. It doesn't appear that they saw anything that could help with my investigation of the missing Miss Ballentine. The "ladies" did offer up your name as someone else to interview.
What you mean "ladies" Shaniqua making air quotes when she says the word ladies. I hear dat tone in your voice. What you think I's a workin girl? Well OK I is, but ain't nothin' wrong with it Mister. Everyone gots to make a living don't they? You don't KNOW ME. She was looking right at him when she spoke. Shaniqua would not be belittled. Detective Toucahn had meant to offend, to belittle with his reference to the "ladies". He wanted to make sure she knew her place; she was the hooker and he was the law abiding office of the law. Now however having heard her reaction and having felt her indignation he felt badly about having spoken to her this way. She didn't just speak her prideful words but she appeared to truly believe them. You're right he said to Shaniqua. I apologize for my bad manners. May we start over? I am Detective Earnest Touchan, extending out his hand waiting for a reply. Shaniqua shrugs, extends her had to shake his and says my name is Shaniqua. Shaniqua what? he replied while gently squeezing her hand. Just Shaniqua; for right now anyways and pulls away her hand from his.
Lu'
04/04/13
Stepping backward as Detective Toucahn approached her, Shaniqua was trying to get to an area with a little less light before their inevitable meeting; face to face. It wasn't difficult to get out of the light at night, with all the alley ways and set in doorways on Front Street. As Shaniqua's back touched the corner on the building behind her she made a slight turn to the right and entered the alley; there she stopped. Detective Touchan approached her, stopping at a distance of two feet. He found this to be close enough to start with and not too close as to have his interviewee retreat within themselves. Hello. I am Detective Earnest Toucahn. I'm out tonight speaking with anyone in the area who may have seen Miss Ballentine. When I parked my car I noticed you looking at her MISSING PERSON flier on the light pole over there. I spoke with the other "ladies" here abouts. It doesn't appear that they saw anything that could help with my investigation of the missing Miss Ballentine. The "ladies" did offer up your name as someone else to interview.
What you mean "ladies" Shaniqua making air quotes when she says the word ladies. I hear dat tone in your voice. What you think I's a workin girl? Well OK I is, but ain't nothin' wrong with it Mister. Everyone gots to make a living don't they? You don't KNOW ME. She was looking right at him when she spoke. Shaniqua would not be belittled. Detective Toucahn had meant to offend, to belittle with his reference to the "ladies". He wanted to make sure she knew her place; she was the hooker and he was the law abiding office of the law. Now however having heard her reaction and having felt her indignation he felt badly about having spoken to her this way. She didn't just speak her prideful words but she appeared to truly believe them. You're right he said to Shaniqua. I apologize for my bad manners. May we start over? I am Detective Earnest Touchan, extending out his hand waiting for a reply. Shaniqua shrugs, extends her had to shake his and says my name is Shaniqua. Shaniqua what? he replied while gently squeezing her hand. Just Shaniqua; for right now anyways and pulls away her hand from his.
Lu'
04/04/13
Monday, April 1, 2013
Night walker part 7
Night Walker part 7
It has been three nights since Shaniqua witnessed the doggie cannibal incident. Three nights since she actually witnessed the incident, the other nights Bertie saw it in her nightmares. Bertie chose to lay low, rest and rethink her life choices. She had been hitting the streets pretty hard as Shaniqua in an attempt to cram in as much experiences as she could in a short amount of time. Bertie found this assignment nothing short of disgusting but she chose it and she would see it through. Her idea for getting through this assignment was that, as in the movie Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts, by not kissing the johns she somehow detached herself from the sexual acts. This idea was not panning out too well. Equally as ineffective was thinking that condoms in some way would help her detach emotionally, maybe if she wore the condom over her Limbic system. There was a modicum of detachment; she was after all researching a topic not living this lifestyle out of necessity or circumstance. As a researcher she was able to approach her johns with a clinical mindset; to a point. She did share her cerebral space with Shaniqua however and Shaniqua "felt" things differently. Bertie was a bright woman, really she was but what on earth was she thinking! Her plan to spend two months researching for her latest book as a prostitute, a night walker, would sound absurd to anyone; it was starting to sound that way to her. Shake it off sistah! We gots to gets ta work said Shaniqua to Bertie. Never before had Bertie heard so clearly and independently in her head the voice of her latest alter ego; it was disconcerting.
Bertie, taking heed to what Shaniqua had said, retrieves the identity shoe boxes from the bookshelf next to the TV. Bertie places "her" in the wood grain box with the calligraphic B, returns the lid to the box, the box to the shelf. Bertie then takes Shaniqua's bedazzled pink and chartreuse box into the bedroom to breathe life into Shaniqua.
Not too busy out tonight. Be someone come though. Mens always wants it. Shaniqua began her "shift" on her corner the same way she had for the past six weeks; relentless. Nothing seemed to have changed since she last worked. Le'me think, was Thursday when I seen dem dogs eatin one 'nother. I ain't no mind to nothin' over the weekend, but 'tall looks da same so maybe nothin' gone on. Just then Shaniqua noticed a flier taped to the light pole; MISSING WOMAN.
Instantly she remembers the sight of the leopard print pump. The sight of dem dogs eating one 'nother put it clean out my head.
Lu'
04/01/13
Bertie, taking heed to what Shaniqua had said, retrieves the identity shoe boxes from the bookshelf next to the TV. Bertie places "her" in the wood grain box with the calligraphic B, returns the lid to the box, the box to the shelf. Bertie then takes Shaniqua's bedazzled pink and chartreuse box into the bedroom to breathe life into Shaniqua.
Not too busy out tonight. Be someone come though. Mens always wants it. Shaniqua began her "shift" on her corner the same way she had for the past six weeks; relentless. Nothing seemed to have changed since she last worked. Le'me think, was Thursday when I seen dem dogs eatin one 'nother. I ain't no mind to nothin' over the weekend, but 'tall looks da same so maybe nothin' gone on. Just then Shaniqua noticed a flier taped to the light pole; MISSING WOMAN.
Instantly she remembers the sight of the leopard print pump. The sight of dem dogs eating one 'nother put it clean out my head.
Lu'
04/01/13
Friday, March 8, 2013
When Old walks
When Old walks it does so bent
No wonder where Old's posture went
Away with youth, now in old age
Old walks with a wheeled metal cage
Tennis balls adorn it's feet
Old prays soon my maker I'll meet
Youth is fleeting, Old knows this
Remember youngster youth is bliss
Lu'
03/08/13
No wonder where Old's posture went
Away with youth, now in old age
Old walks with a wheeled metal cage
Tennis balls adorn it's feet
Old prays soon my maker I'll meet
Youth is fleeting, Old knows this
Remember youngster youth is bliss
Lu'
03/08/13
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Night walker part 6
Night walker part 6
Detective Earnest Toucahn has been a cop for 8 years, all of them in Harrisburg. He is good at his job; he likes it too. Detective Toucahn stood about 6'3 and weighed in at 240 pounds give or take a burger or two. He worked out regularly in the police gym. He always enjoyed working out, even as a youngster. He was sure to stay fit once he became a cop. He didn't want to fall into the stereo type of the doughnut eating overweight cop portrayed so aptly on TV and in the movies. He ate doughnuts alright but you would never know it to look at him. He was a good looking man of 30; the big 3_0. He was tall, not dark, but oh so handsome. They say opposites attract, his thick wavy dark brown hair and molten brown eyes were quite the opposite of his fair white skin, that combination certainly did attract the ladies. With a nickname like Big Bird one might not think him to be handsome. He got the nickname in high school when he had a growth spurt; his height shot up past most the other kids. The growth spurt coupled with his last name Toucahn and viola you have Big Bird. Only his friends called him Big Bird, those with nerve to do so. To everyone else he was known as Earnie or Detective Toucahn.
Detective Toucahn was sitting at his desk looking at a photo of a missing woman that came off the wire service 30 minutes earlier. He took another sip of his coffee. He savored the taste and aroma of the hot coffee. The squad room was abuzz with activity which was not out of the ordinary. A call came in for a missing person this morning at 7:33. Missing person reports were nothing new to the station. Detective Toucahn took that call at 7:33 and was now looking at the face of his missing person. She was a beautiful woman, at least in this picture. The caller told him they were sending over a recent picture, taken at the missing women's company Christmas party last year. Last Christmas being only a month and a half ago one can deduce the woman would look the same. Her name was Catherine Ballentine, age 22, red hair, hazel eyes, Caucasion, petite. In the photo she is wearing a fitted black dress, her hair pulled back and up, modest pearl necklace. She looked appropriately dressed for a company Christmas party. Det. Toucahn smiled, thinking she must be a tiny bit spirited to have finished off her appropriate outfit with a leopard pump, the strap circling her small ankle.
by Lu'
02/27/13
Detective Toucahn was sitting at his desk looking at a photo of a missing woman that came off the wire service 30 minutes earlier. He took another sip of his coffee. He savored the taste and aroma of the hot coffee. The squad room was abuzz with activity which was not out of the ordinary. A call came in for a missing person this morning at 7:33. Missing person reports were nothing new to the station. Detective Toucahn took that call at 7:33 and was now looking at the face of his missing person. She was a beautiful woman, at least in this picture. The caller told him they were sending over a recent picture, taken at the missing women's company Christmas party last year. Last Christmas being only a month and a half ago one can deduce the woman would look the same. Her name was Catherine Ballentine, age 22, red hair, hazel eyes, Caucasion, petite. In the photo she is wearing a fitted black dress, her hair pulled back and up, modest pearl necklace. She looked appropriately dressed for a company Christmas party. Det. Toucahn smiled, thinking she must be a tiny bit spirited to have finished off her appropriate outfit with a leopard pump, the strap circling her small ankle.
by Lu'
02/27/13
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Night walker part 5
Night walker part 5
Bertie woke at 10:30 in the morning. This was pretty much her usual time to wake following a night walking her "beat". If only she were a cop and not a make believe hooker. Huh she may not be a prostitute by profession but she was no make believe hooker; she had the work wounds to prove it. With this latest charade even Bertie was starting to question her methods. "Anything for your craft" isn't that what they say? But would they, any of them, go as far as Bertie has gone this time. Bertie lay in bed having a discussion with herself. She liked to lay in the quiet, aside from the constant talking in her head, safety of her bedroom. The sunlight peeking through the slightly parted drapes she found most soothing. She enjoyed the quiet of her apartment as it was in such contrast to the noise of the streets.
Ending this particular conversation with herself, she decides it is time to get up. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror looking into her eyes Bertie begins once again to question herself and this research assignment she has taken on of her own accord. Her eyes reflect the horror she has seen on the streets. The ugliness she has subjected her body to is reflected in those eyes as well. Look she says to herself, there is no use in crying over what has happened. I started this and I am going to finish it, end of story or should I say, beginning. So buck up Missy she says with a curt nod of her head.
After she finished washing up Bertie heads for the kitchen. Readying the maker she turns it on waiting for her morning coffee. With anticipation, thinking of her first of cup of coffee she salivates slightly. Bertie noticed the opened letter from her sister she left unread on the couch from the night before. Plucking a vanilla yogurt from the fridge she heads to the couch where certain judgment has waited while she slept. Danielle begins this letter as she does all her letters to Bertie. Her older sister Danielle, by 2 years, is and always has been predictable.
There is nothing wrong with predictability unless you were Bertha Louise Thompson. Yes, that is B.L.T. you know like the sandwich. When younger Bertie heard more time than she cared to remember boys offering to supply her with their mayonnaise for her B.L.T. Boys can be so cruel and many grow up to be equally, if not more so, cruel men. She was finding this out first hand. As if growing up with a name like Bertha weren't enough burden in a school filled with Brittanys, Jessicas, kaylas and Tiffanys her initials invited crude sexually based taunts.
The letter from her sister went on to say Danielle was fine, her husband George was fine. The kids Paul and Sally were a challenge but they too were fine. They recently rescued a small dog from the humane society in town. They named it Scruffy. The new addition makes them now a perfect little family of 5. Now on to the judgment, do you think it is really necessary to go off like this? How long will you be gone this time? What about Mom? She worries about you so; we all do. I bet you aren't taking care of yourself like you should...
Bertie folds the letter when she has finished reading it. Nothing earth shattering reported in the letter, no one in trouble, hurt or ill; just the usual judgmental questioning. Her sister keeps asking the question even though Bertie has never been forthcoming with answers. Taking the letter to her desk she retrieves stationary from the top drawer of the desk. She chose pale green with lillies and matching envelope. Bertie has always taken pride in her stationary. She laments at the lost art of letter writing. Now the world is text messages and emails. Bertie replies to correspondence without fail in fear they might come looking for her if a response was not received; she couldn't have that. No she could not have people looking for her, especially on this outing, at this juncture, doing these THINGS.
Dear Danielle,
Nice to hear from you but I'd prefer you stopped writing. Glad to hear all is fine with you and yours why wouldn't it be fine it is always fine. I wonder if it really is, always fine. I'm sure Mom is doing well with church and her clubs even though you never fail to deal the Mom card to try and guilt me into coming home. No doubt she misses me but she understands my methods but would she understand or sanction what I was doing this time, no absolutely not. Tell her for me if you would that everything is FINE I am walking the streets dressed like a hooker and sleeping with men for money and questioning my own sanity but it's all good.
Love Bertie ♥
by Lu'
2-12-13
Ending this particular conversation with herself, she decides it is time to get up. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror looking into her eyes Bertie begins once again to question herself and this research assignment she has taken on of her own accord. Her eyes reflect the horror she has seen on the streets. The ugliness she has subjected her body to is reflected in those eyes as well. Look she says to herself, there is no use in crying over what has happened. I started this and I am going to finish it, end of story or should I say, beginning. So buck up Missy she says with a curt nod of her head.
After she finished washing up Bertie heads for the kitchen. Readying the maker she turns it on waiting for her morning coffee. With anticipation, thinking of her first of cup of coffee she salivates slightly. Bertie noticed the opened letter from her sister she left unread on the couch from the night before. Plucking a vanilla yogurt from the fridge she heads to the couch where certain judgment has waited while she slept. Danielle begins this letter as she does all her letters to Bertie. Her older sister Danielle, by 2 years, is and always has been predictable.
There is nothing wrong with predictability unless you were Bertha Louise Thompson. Yes, that is B.L.T. you know like the sandwich. When younger Bertie heard more time than she cared to remember boys offering to supply her with their mayonnaise for her B.L.T. Boys can be so cruel and many grow up to be equally, if not more so, cruel men. She was finding this out first hand. As if growing up with a name like Bertha weren't enough burden in a school filled with Brittanys, Jessicas, kaylas and Tiffanys her initials invited crude sexually based taunts.
The letter from her sister went on to say Danielle was fine, her husband George was fine. The kids Paul and Sally were a challenge but they too were fine. They recently rescued a small dog from the humane society in town. They named it Scruffy. The new addition makes them now a perfect little family of 5. Now on to the judgment, do you think it is really necessary to go off like this? How long will you be gone this time? What about Mom? She worries about you so; we all do. I bet you aren't taking care of yourself like you should...
Bertie folds the letter when she has finished reading it. Nothing earth shattering reported in the letter, no one in trouble, hurt or ill; just the usual judgmental questioning. Her sister keeps asking the question even though Bertie has never been forthcoming with answers. Taking the letter to her desk she retrieves stationary from the top drawer of the desk. She chose pale green with lillies and matching envelope. Bertie has always taken pride in her stationary. She laments at the lost art of letter writing. Now the world is text messages and emails. Bertie replies to correspondence without fail in fear they might come looking for her if a response was not received; she couldn't have that. No she could not have people looking for her, especially on this outing, at this juncture, doing these THINGS.
Dear Danielle,
Nice to hear from you but I'd prefer you stopped writing. Glad to hear all is fine with you and yours why wouldn't it be fine it is always fine. I wonder if it really is, always fine. I'm sure Mom is doing well with church and her clubs even though you never fail to deal the Mom card to try and guilt me into coming home. No doubt she misses me but she understands my methods but would she understand or sanction what I was doing this time, no absolutely not. Tell her for me if you would that everything is FINE I am walking the streets dressed like a hooker and sleeping with men for money and questioning my own sanity but it's all good.
Love Bertie ♥
by Lu'
2-12-13
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